Lost treasure

Ah, memories. Found this treasure in the email archives from a class last spring. Thank gawd for chat.

We tried. We really did. Made it 1.5 hours (class was 3 hours), then the torture became unbearable. Researchers should not even try to teach.
------------------------------------------------
C:
endless yammering
yet nothing is being said
alcohol daydreams

M:
Ice cold meat locker
More inaudible rubbish
Ice cream save me now

C:
oh screw the ice cream
this calls for serious booze
vodka gimlet please

why such a cold room
freeze students to submission
no attention span

M:
Hard core prescriptions
Alcohol and cigarettes
No Intervention

C:
cookie in pocket
an unexpected surprise
eat now or later?

M:
WTF is this?
He keeps saying "binary"
The point evades me.

C:
oh there is no point
existential head banging
keep thumping noise down

M:
Eat out of boredom
Eat to avoid this lecture
Eat it this instant.

C:
too old for boozing
thought my drinking days were done
must reconsider

New Software for Doctoral Students

A classmate and I were discussing the truly horrifyingly bad writing style of Academia, and came up with a new software app. Now all we need are developers who work for free. It would have a limited market since most people in graduate school actually buy into the obfuscation; it's only for the rare few that resolve to keep their grip on reality and not to drink the Koolaid.

Any bored developers out there?

From our chat session:

"Are you the square peg in a round hole?"
"The realist trying to get an advanced education?"
"Incapable of spewing random bullshit for the sake of spewing random bullshit?"
"Let us do the spewage for you!"
"Just write your coherent clear paper...run it through the Obfuscator 2000...and sit back."
"Your clear, concise, and relevant paper will be returned to you in seconds..."
"completely obfuscated and unintelligible to all but 6 people on Earth."
"And BONUS"
"The Obfuscator 2000 doesn't just remove any relevancy from your paper..."
"It bloats it up, too!"
"Two pages quickly becomes 15"
"thus satisfying any irrelevant requirements for quantity over quality."

Doctoral Mailbox

Makes me want to run right out and start on that Ph.D.!